versus Poll #5: Nostalgic Youth

Ah, the innocence of youth; the pure joy of the young; the happiness of the naive...have we ever known such a time?  (The answer is Yes; unless you are some sort of time-displaced being that is not bound by linear chronology.)

I always find it amusing to think back on my childhood for, try as I might against it, I always end up looking back on it with rose colored glasses.  Saturday morning cartoons; endless hours of playing with my assortment of G.I. Joe, He-Man, and Transformer action figures; scouring the backyard for grasshoppers and catepillars; playing in the dirt with my friends; lifting up rocks, looking for worms and whatever creepy-crawlies I cound find - damn, I was a pretty gross kid.  I mean, I used to stick my hands in the mud and swish 'em around just to see what I could come up with.  Yeah, kids are pretty damn disgusting.

But you know who has even more disgusting kids than humans?  Frogs.  Well, perhaps "disgusting" isn't so much the word for it, as "effing weird."  I mean, think about it: you're born in the water, are essentially a giant sperm swimming around (I used to collect tadpoles, too.  As if you couldn't guess that!) and as far as I could tell you didn't have any eyes or mouth.  And then as you mature, your body essentially starts mutating all over the place!  Arms start growing from nowhere, your tail pretty much falls off, and before you know it you've got this giant piece of flesh that is twice as long as your entire body hanging out of your brand new feeding slot (your mouth) that you can basically use as a lasso to get your food.  I mean, I was freaking out enough as a kid when my teeth started falling out and new ones grew in, I can't imagine being 10 years old and suddenly a bunch of entirely new limbs begin to sprout out of my torso!  I'd be like, "Uh, Mom...Dad...?  What in the name of insane evolution is this?"  "Oh, that's just your 3rd and 4th arm.  My boy is becoming a man!"  Yeah, frogs are really weird ass creatures and the next time you see one just really sit back and appreciate what kind of mutants freaks they are.  No wonder they were part of the plagues of Egypt.

So, now you might be saying, "What the hell does this have to do with our lost childhood?"

And then I be forced to answer, "...shut up...I was getting to it Mr./Ms. Hasty-Pants.  Sheesh, you'd think being an adult now you would have learned a little patience...."

Well, I suppose I better get on to the results of the poll before someone decides to hold their breath until I do.  According to this survery the one thing that nobody misses about their childhood is their propensity to wipe their runny nose on their sleeve instead of a tissue.  Don't try to deny you did it; I know for a fact you did.  But, I agree, even though it would be much more expedient to do so, it is a very disgusting part of our youth and I for one don't really look back on those moments and feel the warm glow of nostalgia.

Next, we have a three-way tie for most longed for aspects of our formative years: The ability to eat with such reckless abandon regarding sugars and fats that such numbers would cripple us today; the freedom of not having to worry about a paycheck let alone figuring out what portion of said paycheck is due to our favorite Uncle Sam; and the sheer joy of hearing someone say the word "fart" regardless of the fact that it is said within the confines of the same joke over and over and over, ad nauseum.  Yes, these are all very excellent parts of our youth and I would in fact be willing to go back to any of those aspects myself at any time.

But, the clear winner of this weeks poll comes from a desire to go back to a time of care-free fun, running around with our friends playing tag in our backyards, when the worst thing that could happen to you was being "IT."  I loved playing tag; we used to play Freeze Tag, Shadow Tag, Toss Tag, and another version of tag that we made up in which the runners couldn't get back on home base unless they touched something on the other end of the yard.  Man, that was fun...anyone want to get a game of tag going soon?  If so, I'm saying it right now:  NOT IT!!!