versus the Interview Swap: William the Bloody

Ah, the interview.  Such a timeless device; the original form of information exchange from one individual to another.  It's beginnings are humble, the first occuring waaaaay back in pre-history when Neanderthal Man #1 grunted out quite laboriously to Neanderthal Man #Red:

"What you t'ink of 'Fire?'"

"Of what?"

"'Fire.'"

"What be 'fire?'"

"'Fire' be t'at bright, dancing-color, ouchie-maker."

"Oh."

"So what you t'ink of it?"

"Um... mostly just AAAAAGGGGHHHH!"

Over the subsequent millennia, centuries and days, the art of the Interview has been perfected and evolved to the point where just about everyone uses in their everyday lives at some point.  So much so, that it is nearly impossible these days to pass the salt across the dinner table without asking/being asked what it means to you to now that you have a salt-shaker in your hand, what your long-term intentions are for it, and how would you react if the salt in fact turned out to be pepper.  The professional interview has lost some of its luster because 9 times out of 10 they seemed staged or scripted (in the worst cases, stages and scripted.)

But, that's where a friend of mine, William the Bloody, comes in to save the proverbial day!  (Note: proverbial days resemble most days and can only be distinguished from their more mundane brethren by trained specialists, known as: Proverbrarians.  Proverbial days can be dangerous if provoked.)  On his site, he suggested this thing called the Interview Swap!  Basically, I sent him 5 Questions that I want him to answer and then post them here on my site (which I will do shortly, have patience!  Or skip ahead to the section headed: 5 Questions and Answers by William the Bloody) while he sent me 5 questions to answer and post onto his site!  How fun is that?!

Naturally, the questions I asked him are quite ridiculous and pretty much take the rules of Interviewship and bend them so far that they broke off in my brain and was forced to make up new rules loosely based on those of Gin Rummy.  Despite this, WtB admirably answered them so I have to assume I must have accidentally blackmailed him into cooperation.  Either way, they are fun answers!  And here they are!

5 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS BY WILLIAM THE BLOODY

Question 1: How many break-dance competitions have you entered, and as a consequence, DESTROYED the other contestants?


Well, this is interesting. How did you know that my alternate secret origin story (as opposed to the one where I am constantly at odds with Reed Richards and constructing a giant laser in space) revolves around the world of highly competitive and dangerous, underground break-dancing street gangs. When our gangs clashed it was an all-out no holds barred, anything goes throw down. You bet your sweet ass that I did my fair share of serving in those days. Back then I was known as “Bloody B” and the scourge of west Philadelphia. Needless to say, I won ALL the break dance competitions I was in except for one: the last.

Question 2: Which country would you most like to visit whilst on the run from one or more corrupt government agencies, and why?

I would probably be on the run from the Chinese government. Hey, I figure it’s only a matter of time before they figure out that it’s me who’s been bad mouthing them all over the internets. Since I’ll be on the run from evil Chinese agents, Chris Tucker will probably be with me, so I’d say we’d have to hide out in various western European countries.

Question 3: You have the opportunity to name the next world-changing religious figure anything you want; would sell that privilege to highest bidder? If so, would you think your soul to be eternally damned?

See the opportunity? Are you insane? I don’t think there is any price on this Earth that could pull such a privilege from me! But yes, my soul would wind up eternally damned due to the crazy-ass name I would make that fellow answer to until he dies. The rest of us would think it was funny, though.

Question 4: If you could, please name your top 3 weapons you would chose in a fight to the death, excepting ranged weapons and lightsabers?

No ranged weapons?? Oh you douche! You know my affection for catapults and trebuchets, don’t you? Mmm… siege weapons… Anyway, my top three weapons of choice would be: a mace, a halberd, and a chainsaw.

Question 5: To whom would you bequeath all the worldly possession you own that you wish you didn't?

If I understand this correctly, you want to know who gets all my crappy junk after I’m dead (not my awesome stuff). In all honesty, I would probably bequeath my silly possessions to the local Goodwill or sumsuch. But then, I don’t know if even they will accept a truckload of donations containing nothing but merchandise that says “Spawn” on it.

GIN!!!

Hehe, great job "Bloody B!"  Everyone should check out William's site (as listed here: http://www.williamsbloodyhell.com/ or as linked over there on the right side of this page).  My interview will probably be posted there soon, and aside from that it is chock full of fun rants and reviews!  Good stuff!

And, hey, if anyone wants to participate in this Interview swap I'm more than game!

I hope someone asks me what I think about the state of affairs in Fraggle Rock...I've been thinking about that for a long time indeed!